I’d like to tell you a story, since that that’s how we learn the best. And most of us enjoy a good love story, right?
I coach men about relationships. And I coach women as well about relationships, health and fitness. I’ve been a marathon runner, a personal trainer, and a workout nut for over 20 years. Clearly, I am a type A personality…in case you haven’t guessed.
One of my clients, named Claire, came to work with me. She was burned out in her life. While she was succeeding in her career and in good physical shape, she was not satisfied or content. Her dating life was ok. She worked out several times a week, but just felt like she was
on the treadmill of life. You know that hamster wheel feeling? The one where the little guy runs and runs on the wheel, but doesn’t get anywhere? Yeah, we’ve all been there.
We had a session together, and we kept going deeper into what was really going on with her. After all, on the outside, she looked just “fine” according to most people. She was not satisfied, or “lit up” about her life.
Whatever You Resists, Persists
As both a coach and one in the transformational world for 19 years, I know that whatever you resist, persists. So at first, she did not want to go there. She kept saying she was fine. However, my job as a coach is to get into what’s going on underneath that fine exterior.
This is the juicy part of my job. After doing some work, Claire realized that she was a very
type A, never satisfied, always pushing, and very judgmental person.
She was yearning to try new things. She wanted to apply for a different position at work. She wanted to try to date a different type of guy. She was dying to do some new workouts, but her intense, go-go-go personality HATED to make mistakes or try something new. Of course, she’d hidden this part of herself from herself.
One of the mantras I practice and preach is to be Curious instead of being Judgmental. It’s so simple, yet so profound.
This tiny shift can crack a person right open. What if Claire tried a new yoga class, and she was curious about being new and clumsy to something? What if Claire asked a mentor at work about what it takes to apply for a different position? What if Claire sat down and journaled about the things she really wanted in a partner and why she’d been picking those she’d been dating up until now?
If we never give ourselves space, then how can we truly grow?
So often, we grow up with a critical parent or family who was trying to help, but it felt critical and scary. The worst part is that even after we moved out of the house, the family unit, or the unhealthy relationship, we continued to criticize ourselves. It became a habit and we kept it going.
What Can You Begin Anew?
Spring is around the corner. The year is speeding by, but it is still new. What is your heart yearning for this year? What can you begin anew? Even if you’ve tried something a million times before or only 3 times…what if you had a new attitude about it or approached it with a new spin?
What if you were curious about life instead of being judgmental?
With everyone in your life?
Or maybe just one new thing?
Can you give yourself some space? We all need a little wiggle room.
One of my heroines, Louise Hay, proposes that the purpose of life here on earth
is to expand our capacity to love and to be loved. That’s it. It’s so beautiful and simple and profound.
Space, Wiggle Room, and a Little Bit of Love
So I challenge you to give yourself some space, some wiggle room, and a little bit of love. Try it on and see what happens. Then tell me all about it. I want to hear about your experiences.